The fact that our parents are not invincible is an impossible lesson to learn, at least for me. I have been lucky enough in my life to have had 26 years of ill-free parents. But I was also expecting to live another 26 years before either of my parents had any health problems. I didn't think this was such a ridiculous life plan. And now as I sit here I hear my mother's voice in my head saying, "You can't plan life. Life just happens." Oh what a wise lady she is.
And not only is she a wise lady, but she is a brave lady. She does not want pity or sadness from her family and friends. She does not want people to worry about her or change their lives for her. She does not feel sorry for herself or hate the world. Instead, she counts herself lucky. She feels blessed that they found her cancer when they did. She says she's so fortunate to see how many people in her life love her and care so deeply for her. She embraces this turn that life has handed her and refuses to let it break her spirit. My mother is incredible.
I was home for two weeks helping take care of my mom after a surgery she had. I wanted to stay through Memorial Day weekend to get some extra time in, but my mom refused to let me stay. She insisted that I get back to New York and get on with my life. She starts Chemo at the end of June and when I told her I wanted to come home once a month to see her she said, "Oh Moni, don't be silly. Once every couple of months will be just fine. You need to continue your life. This is just an inconvenience, a bump in the road. I'm going to be fine." It was in that moment that I realized a parents job is never done. Here my mom is, protecting me and assuring me that she will be OK. I thought back on the few weeks leading up to the time before I went home and suddenly found myself smiling. My mom had called me every day to see how I was doing since she, my dad and brother told me over the phone that she had cancer. She called to check up on me.
I then remembered a few nights before when my mom was still in the hospital and my dad, brother and I stood in front of the open refrigerator at home wondering what to eat for dinner. We found a mysterious tupperware that had delicious turkey legs with a tasty tomato stew. My dad and brother figured a friend of the family's must have dropped off dinner, but to me the stew had a familiar taste. It tasted like something my mom would make. I told my brother and dad that I suspected some time in the previous week my mom had broken out the crock-pot and cooked something for us to have for dinner while she was in the hospital. She probably froze it and pulled it out right before she went in for surgery. We picked up the phone, called my mom and asked her about the tupperware meal in question. "Oh, that's just something I threw together last week so you guys would have some dinner." My dad looked at me with a tear in his eye and smiled. Then we heard my mom from the speakerphone, "I made it in the crock-pot." Suddenly, the three of us were laughing in the kitchen. Again, my mother's voice filled the room, "I froze it last week and pulled it out before surgery." My dad, brother and I looked at each other and smiled. As silly as it sounds, I felt a special connection with my mom at that moment. I know her so well that I pinpointed exactly what she had done for us. I stood in the kitchen and tears filled my eyes. My mom is absolutely an inspiration. Not even major surgery can stop her from putting her family first.
Now that I'm back in NYC I call my mom every morning and every night just to check in and see how she is doing. But some how in my mom's magical way we spend just a second talking about her and how she is doing, but we end up focusing on me and how I'm doing.
So how am I doing? I'm doing my best. Though I find myself lost in thought often, thinking about my mom and life in general, I'm doing the best I can to honor my mom's request to live my life back in NYC. Though I spent the majority of my childhood and young adult life fighting tooth and nail against advice my mom had given me or requests my mom had made of me, this go around I think I'll listen. Because not only is she my mom who does know best....she's the most incredible woman I've ever met and she may just know a thing or two about life.
